I grew up in a household that always had guests. Our trips often revolved around where we had family members. My bedroom doubled as a guest room, and I remember my uncles kicking out the youngest cousin from their bedroom so I could stay in their room as a guest.

When I moved thousands of miles away from my friends, I was so ready to host people on my own that I invited everyone to my gorgeous loft in the Marina District of downtown San Diego. It was a disaster. From a guest treating me like I was their maid to the one that was upset I wouldn’t take off time from my new job, I stopped having people come to visit. Don’t be them this holiday season.

How to be a good guest:

1. Give the host plenty of time to prepare and make sure the dates work.

2. Bring a gift. If you don’t know what they might need - ask. You don’t want to bring wine to a sober person, or give their kids cookies when they can’t have sugar. Insist on bringing something - no matter how small. Be a savvy guest! Bring something personalized or something you will all use together during your stay: buy them that candle they enjoyed in your home, or a book you’ve wanted them to read, or some serving spoons they mentioned they needed. Once a guest remembered that I loved these gluten free pastries from a bakery near their house, and brought some on their flight to see me!

3. In addition to the gift, take your host out to dinner or cook a meal (that you’ve purchased the ingredients) for the first night. Think about the cost of staying in a hotel and put that into their food! Some people (like my mum) actually prefer to cook, so she likes guests to bring a whole duck or leg of lamb that she can prepare for them.

4. Confirm guest rules and boundaries in advance. Should I bring a towel? Can I bring my partner? My pet? Can I stay out late partying? ASK FIRST - don’t assume that because you can do it in your home, that you can do it as a guest in their home. Smoking, shoes on, animals on the couch, eating in the bedrooms (or even the living room) all could make or break your stay.

5. THREE NIGHTS MAXIMUM. If you have to stay more than three days, consider breaking up the trip by a night at a hotel. I visited a friend in Memphis, Tennessee for a week. We took a trip to Nashville and stayed in a lovely AirBnB for two nights, breaking our trip into two parts. We treated the second part like a new visit, and brought some Nashville BBQ takeout for our host.

6. Try to wake up and go to bed when your host does and/or be quiet during their off-hours. Be respectful of roommates or other guests that may be visiting.

7. Think about what you want to do with them, but also don’t rely on them for EVERYTHING. Ask for recommendations in advance. If you’re a go-with-the-flow type person, tell them to surprise you. If you have things you want to see, check if your host wants to go. Do not assume that they will serve as your taxi, tour guide, or chaperone

8. Clean up after yourself. Make it like you’re not even there - no dishes in the sink, no trash left behind, make your bed, hang up your towels, etc.

9. If you break it; you bought it. Don’t use it if you can’t afford to pay for it to be cleaned, repaired, or replaced. This is also a helpful life lesson!

Remember that your host is doing you a huge favour by letting you stay in their home. You’re saving on a hotel, and get to spend time with a friend. If you want to be invited back, here are some tips:

1. Bring some Essential Oils and add drops when you take a shower. It will leave the washroom smelling nice. This is also helpful if you make some unpleasant smells.

2. Help them out. Wash the dishes, offer to pick up their dry cleaning, anything to make their life a little easier. I had a guest once visit me on their road trip, and they vacuumed out my car because they borrowed my vacuum to do their own. It took them 5 extra minutes, but the gesture stuck with me.

3. Bring something for their partner, kids, or pets. A friend that I hadn’t seen in 10 years let me use his apartment in Chicago for a long layover, and I bought treats for his dog and took him for an extra walk (he had a sitter, but I figured he would be happy to be outside more).

4. The more people that are visiting, the bigger the gift (and the meal). Once on a road trip with 5 people, a friend was going out of town and let us use their 3 bedroom house. We decided to chip in about $10 per person, per night that we stayed there (four nights, which is all right because the host wasn’t home) to get her a gift. We saved a lot of money on a hotel, and she returned to a new $200 kitchen appliance she had been wanting!

5. Return the favour: let your host be your guest.